September 2, 2014

A Shopping List For the Apocalypse

By BEARS FONTE  Ben Wagner’s DEAD WITHIN got my wife and I thinking: are we ready in case the Zombie Apocalypse hits?  For years we lived in LA and had an ‘Earthquake Bag’ ready to go and this included items like a portable radio and a first aid kit.  How much of this really helps in the wake of brain-eating undead? 

•  Dry food, such as candy bars, dried fruit, jerky and crackers – absolutely, but this is only going to last you so long.  Learn right now to hunt wild game, preferably with a crossbow, as the arrows are reusable.  You may find yourself in the woods and miles away from ammunition. 

•  Water or orange juice – anything sealed is great, but be ready to run out and water is especially problematic if it is one of the sources of the virus that turns your co-workers into mindless monsters.  Get yourself a Bunsen burner and a healthy supply of propane to boil all your water before drinking.

•  Tennis shoes or walking shoes – this is an absolute.  No open toes, no heels.  You are going to be running for your life.

•  First aid kit – obviously, except just remember a bite is often incurable.  Make sure your kit includes a machete and material to make a tourniquet so you can hack off any part of you that gets a little close to our new partners on the planet.

•  Flashlight and portable radio with extra batteries – forget the radio, all the stations will be static within days.  And flashlights will end up out of batteries pretty quickly, unless they are crank self-powered.  Learn to light a torch and find a lantern that will run on a minimum amount of fuel.   And matches.  Lots of them.  Better yet, learn to make fire Quest of the Clan Bear style.

•  Small and large plastic bags – not sure the purpose of this unless it is to carry your hacked off limbs.  

•  Toiletries – learn to poop in the woods.  This just takes up space in your bag, wimp.

•  Entertainment pack of family photos, notebooks, reading material and games – make it light if you have to, but really think about if looking at pictures of your dead family after you’ve seen them eaten is going to cheer you up and spur you on to survival or if you’d rather just cut your losses and make new friends in a rag tag group of survivors.  Seriously, why wait.  Look at those around you, will they help you or slow you down in undead combat?  Sometimes loving someone means sneaking out in the middle of the night without a note.

Bears and Cthulhu Go to Lunch

So as you may know, Cthulhu joined our team a few months ago to pose for our official laurels.  At the time, some idiot (me), thought it might be fun to make him/her/it a programmer as well.  Well, since then, I’ve been trying to get ahold of him to watch his films, but have heard he was having trouble watching vimeo links.  He resurfaced from the bottom of the ocean a few days ago and I met him for lunch on 6th street.  Here is a transcript of our conversation, mostly one sided.

Cthulhu, what interests you about SciFi?

[Stomps talon-like arm up and down on table, breaking table, grabs nearby Waitress, and eats her.]

You’ve been asked to oversee the inaugural Other Worlds Austin SciFi Film Festival this year, what will your duties include?

[Stands, flaps tiny wings on his back and sweeps his tentacles across the broken table, tossing everything to the floor.]

So you’ll be making programming decisions? 

[Raises both arms in the air, through the roof, then back down.]

“Cthulhu Like”

You’re referring to this year’s Official Selection laurels which feature your endorsement of a particular film?

“Cthulhu Like”

[Cthulhu reaches over to a nearby table and pulls a small child from its family, ingesting it into his mouth while the child screams.]

“Cthulhu Like”

The films or the taste of children?  Wait, never mind.  Do you find science fiction and horror to be interconnected?

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”


Oh, ah, that’s a great answer.  Would you care to elaborate on what you mean by the Dark Age?

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.”

Yes, of course.   So this December, when Other Worlds Austin makes its debut at the Galaxy Theatre –-

[Cthulhu rises, and slithers out of the restaurant, leaving me with the bill.  I do notice, however, burnt into wooden bench where he had just sat, a series of runes for which I have no translation:

the end is nigh, trust not your petty gods]]

I hope one day to find the answer to what Cthulhu allowed my mortal eyes to see.  Until then, I will keep sending him films to watch on his 168” waterproof television.

On a related note, I can’t wait to share with you some of the great films we are finding, but it’s still to early.  But be sure to follow us on Twitter @OtherWorldsAustin so you will be the first to know when we announce the films.

Also on
FREE ENTERPRISE: The Story of the Greatest Indie Star Trek Fanboy Romantic Comedy you’ve never seen
Programmer Jordan Brown Defends The Phantom Menace From Those That Would Throw Stones
Blog by REID LANSFORD — Of the countless 1990’s indie features focusing on over-educated, pop culture obsessed but ultimately lost twentysomethings, only FREE ENTERPRISE took those tropes and showed them through the eyes of two Trekkies."
Blog by JORDAN BROWN — "No, it doesn’t hold a candle to the original trilogy.  Frankly, it’s amazing how many great actors were in it, considering there weren’t any great performances.  But my god, did I love that movie when I was 10." 
Blog by BEARS FONTE — "Science fiction is something that could happen - but you usually wouldn't want it to. Fantasy is something that couldn't happen - though you often only wish that it could. — Arthur C. Clarke  … If your story has any of the following items playing a major role in the plot, we would consider it SciFi..."
Inaugural OTHER WORLDS AUSTIN SciFi Film Festival
---------------December 4-6, 2014-----------------
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