Other Worlds Orbiter presents SEX MADNESS REVEALED, starring Patton Oswalt and Rob Zabrecky. SMR takes the form of an audio commentary that plays out over the little known 1938 STD propaganda film SEX MADNESS (1938). The voice of a persnickety film blogger (Oswalt) interviews the descendant of the original motion picture’s director who harbors a nefarious secret.
Please join us, and director Tim Kirk, for the Texas premiere on Wednesday, September 19 (7:30PM) at Flix Brewhouse. You can get more info and reserve your tickets here. But first, OWA Assistant Programmer and Transportation Director, Robyn Paxman, reveals the horror of, and personal experience with, a very unhelpful school-sponsored PSA:
There is one reason I was unable to get a date throughout middle school and high school. It wasn’t because I was super annoying. It wasn’t because I was going through my Twilight phase. It wasn’t because puberty hit me in all the wrong places – that can be said about anyone. No, the thing at fault would be the “Scott & White: Worth the Wait Program.” More specifically, the instructor for the seventh grade: my mother.
Scott & White (now Baylor Scott & White) is a regional health care organization in Central Texas. Its “Worth the Wait Program” was Round Rock (TX) ISD’s go-to sexual education program developed, not only to “teach” young students about their developing body, but mostly to scare them into never having sex. In sixth grade I uncomfortably sat through clinical definitions of ejaculation and what a boner is. In eighth grade I sat through horrific images of genital warts on actual genitalia. But seventh grade… seventh grade was where nightmares were revealed (or at least mine, and Rosemary’s). In seventh grade I got to watch the birth video. It lulls you into a false sense of security – a sperm fertilizes an egg, traveling down the cartoon fallopian tube to attach to the lining on the uterine wall. After six weeks the baby develops a heartbeat. And then BAM! Nine months later blood, screaming, a patch of dark hair, and them some more blood. There, right in front of your face, is a vagina being ripped apart by a baby’s head.
Imagine how many boys want to ask you to the next dance after your mother shows them that particular video. I can think of at least three boys I daydreamed of taking me to the Winter Formal, only for it to turn into nightmares at the thought of my mother teaching them Sex Ed. I imagine the conversation went a little something like this:
“Hi Mrs. Paxman, I’m here to pick up Robyn.”
“Now, I see your worksheet says you are comfortable touching below the waist after the second date. Robyn’s says NEVER!”
“Mom, we're just going to the movies.”
“Just remember: love does not equal sex!”
“Yeah, I’m just gonna go home… see you at school.”
It could’ve been worse. The class could have burst out into song.
The parts of a flower are so constructed
That very, very often the wind will cause pollination.
– “Reproduction,” GREASE 2