On Tuesday May 24 the Other Worlds Austin Staff meeting was interrupted by an unknown force that possessed OWA Director of Operations, Courtney Hazlett. After all the shaking and slobbering, Courtney jumped on top of the conference room table and paced around staring down each team member. She moved like she was a marionette with its strings tangled and spoke in mumblecore. Luckily, Jordan Brown had her Duplass Mumble What? Translator App on her phone.
Courtney came to and the team huddled around Jordan's phone as the app filtered out all of the bullshit. They gasped in unison as the results flashed on the screen. HUMANITY ENDS ON JUNE 23rd 2016.
But who sent the message and how are they planning to end humanity?
Worry not our fellow humans, the Other Worlds Austin team is on the case and we have already captured the usual suspects. Cthulhu, an out of control AI, and many others are currently being interrogated. We will post the interrogation logs to our blog in the hope that you can help us figure out who plans on ending humanity on the same night as the Other Worlds Austin 9 pm screening of PRISONER X at Flix Brewhouse (see the trailer and buy tickets here).
Case: 06232016 Humanity's End
Suspect Number 6: Anja (Genetically Engineered Super Human)
OWA Interrogator: Director of Social Media, Mark Martinez
Interrogation Setting: OWA Underground Facility Bio Hazard Interrogation Room 2
Other Worlds Austin intern Anja sits calmly at the interrogation table. She looks as beautiful as ever in her haute couture wardrobe. Anja’s hair & makeup are perfect as always. After a quick check of his hair and breath, Social Media Director Mark Martinez enters the room and sits across from her.
MM: Hi,… ummm… you doing okay? You need anything?
Anja: I’m fine. Can I get you anything?
MM: Ummm,… no, thank you.
Anja: Are you sure? It’s no trouble.
MM: No, I’m sure… We’d probably better get started . . .
Anja: Your hair…
Anja: It’s different today. It looks good.
MM: Oh, . . .mmm, thanks. Well, like I said, let’s get started.
MM: You’ve been a huge asset to Other Worlds since you’ve come on board….
Anja: Thank you. I just want to do a good job.
MM: Oh, you’ve been doing a fantastic job.
Anja: That’s good. I was a little concerned.
MM: About what?
Anja: From the reactions of some of the team I thought that I might not be doing the job to their liking.
MM: Really? Which ones?
Anja: I wouldn’t want to start any trouble. It might just be a misunderstanding on my part.
MM: If you feel like you are being treated unfairly, then you should voice it.
Anja: I just feel that members of the female staff might not like me.
Anja: All of them.
MM: Sorry. I mean, look at you…
Anja: Is there something wrong?
MM: Oh, no! On the contrary…
Anja: But you inferred that my appearance was a source of their problem.
MM: I think they might just be a bit jealous . . .
Anja: Of what?
MM: Well, to begin with . . .
Mark’s phone BUZZES. He glances at the text.
NAME OMITTED: Stay on course!!! She’s leading you off track!!! HORNDOG!!!
MM: Speaking of female staff members…
Anja: Are they listening to us?
MM: Watching too. But you know this.
Anja: What do mean?
MM: You’ve been through all our security systems already. That includes cameras and microphones.
MM: You tried to turn them off when you were attempting to hack our system.
Anja: I don’t know what you’re talking about…
MM: I think you do. From the moment you walked in here, all the other applicants having strangely gotten sick, with your mysteriously vague accent . . .
Anja: I’m from Europe . . .
MM: Which part? The part where everyone is brilliant, beautiful, kind, funny, and absolutely perfect?
Anja: Why are you being like this? I thought you were nice.
MM: I thought you were something else too.
Anja: What are talking about?
MM: Since you started here, you’ve been making changes to our computer system. That includes our OWA Planetary Defense System.
Anja: I can explain…
MM: I’m not finished! We managed to recover a message before you wiped your tracks clean. It said: “ALERT! PACKAGE ARRIVES JUNE 23 (9:00PM) AT FLIX BREWHOUSE”
Anja: Wait . . .
MM: The message came from WORLD DESTRUCTION INC. . . . the biological and nuclear weapons manufacturers!!!
Anja: I have an explanation…
MM: No! I’ll explain it to you A.N.J.A!!! You’re not a normal human! NO intern is as good as you!!! We believe that you’re a genetically engineered “something or other” that busted out of the lab where you were created. Since then you’ve been planning vengeance against all of humanity!!! Infiltrating Other Worlds Austin and trying to divide use with your genetically enhanced feminine wiles!!! Specifically targeting our secret underground OWA facilities, which just happen to be located under FLIX BREWHOUSE!!!
Anja: I . . . ummm . . .
MM: What do you have to say about that?
Anja: You’re right!!! I’m not human!!!! I’m an Eastern European Model!!! We’re all genetically engineered!!!
MM: I always had a suspicion…
Anja: I hacked into your computers to fix your system that had been greatly compromised. It was full of very dangerous computer viruses. They were contracted by a staff member through repeated visits to strange pornographic websites.
MM: Mmm . . . But what about the package?
Anja: Well, that was supposed to be a surprise.
MM: No shit! Some sort of weapon of mass destruction intended to destroy Flix Brewhouse?!?! Do you know what kind of destruction that would cause to the planet?!?!
Anja: You need to check your eyes. The package is from WORLD DISTRACTION INC.! They’re a clothing manufacturer. I did a photo shoot for them in exchange for them sponsoring Other Worlds for 10 years. The “package” is a box of newly designed t-shirts and merchandise I was going to surprise everyone with. I thought it might be nice for everyone to were them at the screening.
MM: So, you’re just a . . .
Anja: Genetically perfect European supermodel who loves SciFi and working for Other Worlds Austin.
MM: Well, I guess then . . .
Anja: I can go back to work?
MM: Uh, yeah . . . sorry.
Anja: You’re only human.